An open letter to the men of my past,

The first official boyfriend I ever had (not counting the 2 year relationship I had with a boy from kindergarden through second grade) lasted 5 minutes. It was high school and after meeting one weekend where we were both camp counselors, we went out a few times and adorably held hands and tried to figure out life (because that's what teenagers think they can do). He was cute and looked longingly into my eyes and no one had ever wanted to hold my hand before and I liked it. One evening over the phone (on which we had spent many hours talking) he asked me to be his girlfriend. While it seemed a little weird and corny to be asked like that, I said yes. Five minutes later he told me he loved me and I broke up with him. No amount of puppy dog eyes from a teenage boy could outweigh dropping the L-word that soon. Still, I will always be thankful for that boy who spiked his hair and wore his heart a little too forwardly on his sleeve. It was with him that I first heard Weezer.

I hear so many of my friends talk about boys in their past who were good for nothing. Everyone in my past has been good for something. I can trace so many bands that I have loved over the years to the boys who exposed me to them. It was a cute boy who took me to my first Dave Matthews concert the night before I graduated high school. Though I had been a long-time fan of his music, that concert forever changed my life. I have since seen him 8 more times in concert and that boy and I only occasionally interact on facebook. There was the boy next door who gave me his old ipod filled with music. The song, Love Will Come Through by Travis has remained on the top 25 on my itunes ever since. There were boys who were around for a while, and others who only stayed long enough for some dates and to burn me a mix cd and move on their way. They all left me music in their wake.

I have never had a guy in my life who broke my heart or was the kind of guy worth writing any songs about. I'm still waiting for that, but I can thank them all for the music that they gave me; the emo when I needed to feel dark and angsty, the punk when I needed to yell and feel like no one in the world understood me except this band. I thank them for concerts, jazz and obscure indie bands. I thank them for giving me music I never knew I needed until it was blaring from a mix cd and forever changing my life.